This song originated at a 'write a filk song' panel at Archon 22. Steve Macdonald suggested, as a topic, that "OK, that chair gets up and--uh--walks around." Then, we ran through the creative procedures and came up with a (kind of a) blues song.
Later, I got to thinking about this song, and had two thoughts:
a) The only popular character I could think of who could be in this position would be Odo of DS9, and
b) Since this was 'write a filk song' panel idea, it seemed appropriate to change the chorus a little, to encourage more verses.
lyrics
Odo's Blues
Gary Hanak, with help from Steve Macdonald and some Archon 22 people on verse 1 and chorus…
October 1998
Woke up early this afternoon, and the view was not the best
Something large and hairy had plopped on me just to rest
Tried to launch a protest and it came out as a fart
The folks looked at the guy on me, ironically, named Art
I tried again, then Art got up, and I moved back a bit
Which felt O.K. to me, but then Art tried once more to sit
The crash was just phenomenal--and I felt pretty smart
And I took the opportunity to sit my arse on Art
It's hard to be a chair
It's hard to get any air at all down there
And if you think that things could not get worse
Then I suggest that you sit down and you write the next verse
They put me on a steak out--on the job sheet spelled 'a-k-e',
But some wise-ass punster assigned these jobs and, of course, he thought of me
So now I'm sittin' on a plate, with mushrooms on my side
The guy I'm watchin' watchin' me with hunger in his eyes
As a porterhouse there simply isn't much that you can do
So as he picked up his knife and fork, I let out a subtle 'moo...'
He leaped up, knocked a waiter down, and then fell on his face
And I took the opportunity to sit down in his place
It's hard to be a steak
It could even drive a priest to mas--ticate
And if you think that things could not get worse
Then I suggest that you sit down and you write the next verse
I pulled duty at a building site, disguised as a commode
And suddenly some guy walks in, prepared to drop a load
Now, I'd made an "OUT OF ORDER" on my outside plain as day
So as he turns to sit I quickly slip the other way
I didn't want to do it, that's how my career, it came undone
But hey--he either lays there bare-butt or I get feces on my tongue
It may have been an accident, or he may just have been obtuse
But with my cover blown (and his too!), I just quietly vamoosed
It's hard to be the john
You only catch the tail-end of everything that's goin' on
And if you think that things could not get worse
Then I suggest that you sit down and you write the next verse
"<yawn> ...yeah, it's getting late...
...about time I hit the bucket...
...g'night, all. See you in the mornin'..."
credits
from Weekend Filker,
track released October 1, 1998
All vocals and instrumentation by Gary "MoFilker" Hanak
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