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about

Every filker--and I mean every filker--has to have at least one stab at trying to parody this one...

lyrics

Hotel Tardis
Music: Helder, Henley, Frey
lyrics Gary Hanak
TTO: Hotel California


On a dark street in London, I saw the shimmer in the air
And I see this police box that didn't ought to be there
So I slipped through the doorway--thought I'd just look inside
That's when I noticed that this little box was much bigger in than outside

There he stood at the console, a long scarf 'round his neck
A metal dog was beside him. I just said "What the heck?"
"How d'ya do?" said the tall man. "I'm The Doctor, that's K-9"
My head was spinning and I answered back, "You got a dog at the Five and Dime?"

(chorus)
We tuned in just to watch Doc and the TARDIS
Many different guys (many different guys) and a blue box besides
But we don't understand why you dropped Doc and the TARDIS
Any time of year, now you can't find it here...

While I hung with The Doctor, strange sights did I see
Plastic trash bags on hangers, lots of views of quarries
Rubber suits by the truck load--black and silver and green
Pepper shakers with an attitude, lots of extras who screamed

But the worst was this weird guy, bearded and dressed in black
Didn't much like the Doctor--tried to kill him, in fact
That's annoying at best, but what really got me quite pissed
Was every time this guy would finally hatch a plot, it was always ME he just missed

So I said to The Doctor, "What time is it, please?"
He said, "That hasn't been too clear around here since 1963"
And I hear dozens of voices that plead every day
Calling up the local BBC and PBS just to say

(chorus)

Just as I tried to get out, I heard the Cloister Bell
And I got worried when The Doctor said "Oh, bother--NOW what the hell?"
The Doctor dashed through a back door, I followed lickity-split
I think we passed the same spot fifty times--point of fact, I got sick...

Last thing I recall, I was trying to find the door
I'd gotten lost in the Zero Room and couldn't find the floor
And the Program Masters whisper from that long sought prime time spot
"What you Pledge doesn't matter--Red and Green we've got, a Blue Box, we've not"

(chorus)

(...instrumental...)

We'll come back just to watch Doc and the TARDIS
Many different guys (many different guys) and a blue box besides
But we don't understand why you dropped Doc and the TARDIS
If you want our green, bring back our Time
(And Relative Dimensions In Space) machine

credits

from Delusions of Adequacy, released August 1, 2007
All vocals and instrumentation by Gary "MoFilker" Hanak.

This song is parodied under the Fair Use provisions of 17 U.S. Code § 107. The original owners of the music retain all rights. No challenge to copyright is intended, nor should any such challenge be construed.

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Gary "MoFilker" Hanak image

Gary "MoFilker" Hanak St. Louis, Missouri

Old person. Sings and plays guitar, piano, bass, accordion, and programs drums, sorta

Writes originals and parodies.
Currently there are four albums out there, with two more as a gleam in the eye.

Filk Hall of Fame awardee, winner of a Pegasus, and an invited music guest in St Louis, San Francisco, Chicago, Toronto, and Columbus. So far.

And, plays around St Louis in the live music scene. ... more

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